Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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