I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
