you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize