So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
