I met the friendliest cop last night
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
