Will you blow on my dice?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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