I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
