I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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