so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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