i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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