Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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