i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
