im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
