I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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