Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
