Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
