and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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