ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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