if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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