He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
