he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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