so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
should my penis look like a turkey
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
