You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They took my balls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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