he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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