I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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