4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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