And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
