Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
