question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
