Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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