It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This can only be settled by a dance off.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize