My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
