I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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