i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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