Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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