batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
