You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
