So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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