You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm eating all of the evidence.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
