everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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