dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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