Dual....:-)
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
wow bdsm is so cute
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
