Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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