God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
