super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize