you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
