I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
