Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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