I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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