Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
