you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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