So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize