last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just gargled with NyQuil
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
