There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
