yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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