i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
