I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize