not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
