so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
