dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
