Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i dont even know how to be here
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just high enough for therapy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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