She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
