yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
