I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
