Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
