Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
