I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
