Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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