he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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