I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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