last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
