afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
